So You're Saying You're Right Because You're Right?

Y'all writing isn't something I expected to love, but yet the little tenderness in my heart towards righting grew to love which grew to filled journals of everyday thoughts.

And yes, I do know how inconsistent I am with this little blog.

I honestly don't know why I am though. But I like giving major thought to this and my everyday life isn't really major. So maybe that's it.
Moving on.
There's no plan.
Just my brain & how the words flow.
Here goes.

So I'm going to be really brave and talk about my friends right now. Y'all have no idea how much of my heart is given to my real and true friends. (talking to you best friend) Over the past six months, we hit some gravel in the pavement and it wasn't so enjoyable. I, for the first time, felt my heart breaking for another person. I had to stand by and watch a path of self destruction and deceit be paved. I HAD TO FREAKING STAND BY AND WATCH. That was really painful to me but not nearly as painful for me as it was to watch the whole castle come crumbling down.

|| side note. I feel obliged to tell my 3 or so readers the truth about what happened lol so yeah ||

You see, about two years ago, my beautiful, giggly, gentle, striking best friend met a dude. (dude was a family friend of mine at the time) But an interesting thing about this is that it was mostly an online/texting friendship and they didn't really hang out. Long story short, he ended up lying to her but telling me he was lying to her and i couldn't deal with that crap so I called my girl up and told her what was going on and I got to sort through the aftermath of that.

Also, dude had liked me for like a year before that but ended up making me really not like him.

So, fastforward a year and they reconnect so to speak. So I'm like ok cool maybe things have changed  and he's grown up a bit.
(lol spoiler alert, thats not the case)
SO basically they become really good friends really fast and we are all hanging out and things seem great up until this past January (2016) and he and I finally become friends. So dude and I being friends puts a strain on the relationship between me and best friend which really stunk so I tried, you know, chilling and backing off a bit. But then dude started to take my place. And neither of them would probably say that which is totally fine but that is how I felt. I have to say, watching things fall apart right in front of your eyes is something I wouldn't wish on anybody. So with all of that, I was left holding on to a pinky while he was lacing fingers with her whole hand.

The day I realized that was a really rough day.

Then talk came up that they might date each other and what not and that they just had to get permission from her parents to do so and yadda yadda yadda. Well, this ended up becoming a major headline in my life. I was becoming a vault of secrets, coming in from both parties, and I didn't even realize the toll it was taking on me.
Finally something major happened and the secrets were spilled and the lies were brought to light and everything changed. Her relationship with the dude ended very abruptly and her and my friendship began to heal and come back together. There were a few phone calls filled with the sound of muffled tears and there was a lot of hugging and forgiveness and love and friendship.

Being best friends is about being there even when they're a pain in the butt sometimes.

We still talk about this to this day. I'm still mad at the dude. He spoke badly about me to my friends and I don't really know how to get past it. And this is also a bad place to be in. I wanted an apology from him for a while but I don't really care about the apology now so much as I do for him doing some good soul search. Y'all really don't know how deep this issue was.
I haven't spoken to him in about a month and I have to say I am really enjoying having my best friend back, and just my best friend.

So a lot of this may seem a bit harsh or judgmental and whatever. That's fine with me. There are actually two other blogs out right now with posts about this situation. (best friend and dude both have blogs lol) I just felt that as the girl on the outside with bit's and pieces from the inside, it was time to let this out.

So if you are a random person who found this post or you are a friend who subscribed, this is real and this is life, and it gets messy but lol thats cool.






*I have 2 other post planned that are going to be reallllll gooood so be sure to check back soon or subscribe*

Set for The Adventure

I set out for two weeks of working yet playing, draining yet fulfilling, times of memories on Sunday.

In the two weeks leading up to this, this is what's happened:

I got back on track with school

I conversed with my business role models

I cried on my moms shoulder and she's amazing

I cried on the phone with my best friend

I cried a lot, but it was good


I bundle up emotion, I don't really let it out when it happens, but I don't really realize that I'm doing it. I guess you could say that I feel with my friends. It's something that I used to hate about myself. That I was the one who provided all of the emotional support. That no one listened to me, rather I listened to them.

But it's something that I appreciate about myself now.

I LOVE listening. Maybe because you can't mess it up or maybe because I like to be there to support people.

Anyways, so all that to say, for the work-full and playful and draining and fulfilling memories that are about to be made, I'm glad that I can just listen and observe at times.

When you can watch things happen. Thats when you learn the most. About yourself and others. Beautiful.


*That was unintentionally deep and emotional. but you know*

My Mind @ 11:30pm

So I am currently sitting here watching A Cinderella Story (the one with Hillary Duff). Y'all the movie makes you evaluate life and fall in love with Chad Michael Murray, when he was younger.
You've got the humble, girl next door, the dream boy, the mean girls, and everyone in-between.
So it made we wonder...

What does God see as He watches my life story?

Does He see me stand up for what is right?
Does He see me as a servant?
Does He see me being the best me I can?
Does He see me always loving?
Does He see me make good decisions?

or

Does He see me when my temper wins?
Does He see me waste my time?
Does He see me when I'm weak?
Does He see me criticize myself?
Does He see me question myself?

Yes, yes, and yes.

Honestly, its totally mind boggling that He sees it all and still chooses to love me!
The mean, judgmental, sassy, angry Anabelle that I am without Him.
WHAT A GOD!

Sometimes, I lay in my bed in awe of the wonders and mysteries of God, and all I can do is say thank you. And that's not even enough to do him justice.

Those are the midnight thoughts.

ok, see ya.

Investments of the Heart

I was walking around my neighborhood last night with my best friend. We were talking about life, you know, those good conversations that make your heart happy. We were talking about how invested I should be in a new friendship. He's a sweetheart but we don't know how invested we should be in the friendship at this point. That got me thinking, what is my heart invested in right now? And, are those things good for me?

Investment
a devoting, using, or giving of time, talent, emotional energy, etc., as for a purpose or to achieve something

Anabelle's Investments

• Jesus
• School
• Travel
• Events
• Belle Rhyne Designs
• Family
• Sister
• L
• J
• D
• K
• A

So thats my list off the top of my head, maybe in order, maybe not. I'm not really sure. I hope so.

(the letters at the end are my friendships btw)

I've been thinking about my priorities, evaluating really, and seeing if they are good and in line.

Back to the friendship I've been questioning my investment in. I've been praying a lot really. I love my friends, I might be a bit too invested. 

But thats ok...I think.

yeah.

A Post For My Friend Here

Hey.
I hate watching you struggle.
I hate hearing about the things you've done.
I hate that you are so sweet to me.
I hate that Jesus isn't first in your life.

I was in the car with my brother last night, driving home from my birthday party. It was wonderful, thanks for coming. Back to the story, right before we left Starbucks, you said something that, well, was good and bad. What you said was good, under the circumstances though, it was bad. On the way home, I asked my brother about it. He said it wasn't that bad. Hey, newsflash, it's bad no matter what.
You are a new friend, but you're a friend, and so I love you. I love you, I pray for you, and I want you to succeed, just like I do for all of my friends. You can do so much more!

He tells me that you definitely have a relationship with Jesus, he tells me you're getting better, he tells me you'd be good for me and I'd be good for you.

Show me.

Show me you're serious.

Show me Christ in you.

-A Friend Who Cares, probably too much, But I Do


(P.S. I was really sad, like, I wanted to cry. But it'll get better. I know it.)

When You Notice Life

I have a teeny tiny addiction to Pinterest. If I have a spare moment, I'll scroll through and be like "okay, what cute everything can I find that I can't afford?" and that continues for like thirty minutes. Like I said, teeny tiny.

But, that said, I do like to find quotes and poems that could inspire my next failed attempt at calligraphy or pottery or laptop background. So like literally ten minutes ago I came across this gem. So, ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you the inspiration for this post.

To be totally honest with you, I have no idea where I want to go with this, but we'll figure it out.

I recently started to wonder if people stare half as much as I do. 

I enjoy noticing life.

It can get really weird but also really beautiful.

When i found this quote, I was like "what the heck, how cheesy can you get??!!" Then I realized it was totally me...

Noticing beautiful people and things that make them even more beautiful, wow y'all.

And then there are the not beautiful things you notice. The things you hear people say about other people that make you wonder what really happened, but no matter what happened, you are still going to have the thought of that person doing the not beautiful thing. And then there are the people that twist beautiful things into not beautiful things. 

It's heartbreaking.

To be a Notice-er you have to endure both.

amirite y'all, there was really no structure, form, or meaning behind this, I just wanted to throw that out there. Because that what I do. I say something, and maybe someone notices, maybe not, but that's cool.

A Word for Those Who Struggle with Pride...Myself Included

So, I made a new friend this past week. I had 'known' him for the past year, but I officially met him on Wednesday the 17th. He is a beautiful, 6'3" guy who happens to know he's good looking as well. He also seems to be someone, like myself, that might have a pride issue. I had just met him, and I called him out on it. (Sorry about that btw)

Dear New Friend,

 I'm not actually sorry about calling you out, I'm just sorry that I wasn't displaying Christ's grace when I did. I fully figured out that I had a pride issue in May 2015. I lost something that I thought I for sure wouldn't lose. Low and behold I did and let's just say I wasn't all smiles. God is working through me on that. Boy, let me tell you, He's humbling me. So when just you and I were talking about striving for perfection and the disappointment when it's not achieved, I was actually calling myself out on it as well. Not just you. You were literally describing my thought process and that's why I spoke up.

I also have a confession for you. I apologize for what I thought about you before I actually knew you. I thought you were a jerk, and someone who loves when girls are all over him. The former, you are not, the later I don't know yet. But I don't know yet, so I'll let you show me rather than me judging without knowing. Sorry about that, I'm working on it.
Thanks for showing Christ's love. Thanks for being confident in all that you are and never letting circumstances defeat you. You are inspiring and and cool. I'm glad we're friends now. And thanks for teasing me, I need it. {I will be at lit class this week btw ;)}

Pride is a problem, and even if you don't think you are actually struggling with it, then it's all me and maybe you can help me get through it. I guess that's it, I'm praying for you, and I am also so grateful that we are friends now. Keep loving Jesus, you little supplanter.

-A Friend Who Understands and is Working Through it Too

One of the many beautiful things about Christianity is that it is not based on works. God specifically tells us that our relationship is not based on works so that our boasting will not be in ourselves but in Christ.

I can't tell you how thankful I am for that truth.

I am prideful and I hate it, Jesus work in me.

That is my prayer.



-Belle

A Letter to the Little Sister

Dear Little Sister,

I want you to know something. Now, I may not communicate it well because let's just face it, I write from the heart and it might not be that eloquently said. Here goes.
Life is hard. Feelings are hard. Dealing with me is hard. Sharing  doesn't always mean you are caring. Stealing clothes, not cool. Using my make up, also not cool. But I wouldn't have it any other way. The day you came to the world totally changed my life. I guess I didn't realize I had a pride issue until you blossomed into this girl who could play any sport, catch any eye, and were pretty much showing me up in anything I had done. But, you know thats cool. I want you to know that I am proud of you. You are inspiring. You are beautiful. You are annoying. You are sassy. You are insane.

You are so loved.

I know I don't tell you enough, but, I love you and that will never change.
I am sitting here thinking of the all the times I have had to get you out of trouble or try to protect you only to realize you are capable. I'll probably never tell you that in person because I will always want to protect you. That's my job, whether you like it or not.

Thanks for being my friend.

Life is way cool when you are with me. Laughing at things and people and only understanding each other through laughs and squeals. Thanks for that, because I won't get it anywhere else.

Ask me, I've been there.

You probably don't remember but I went through stage at your age where all of the girls my age hated me. I don't know why, but they did. It was hard to not have a best friend, and even harder to know that you were unwanted. But the worst pain of all, breaking off the friendships, that you knew were toxic, where you had made promises to be in each others weddings. (I was 12, get over it) I can still name off the girls who were my friends, but then weren't. Then there were the years where you feel as though you are in love with a boy, but trust me, don't place all your time and attention on a boy. You'll end up with regrets, missy. Ask me anything, I bet I've been there.

Run to Jesus.

Run to Jesus, full speed ahead. And if anyone is fast enough to keep up with you, challenge each other to run faster. I am realizing more and more the beauty in a friendship rooted in Jesus. It is so refreshing and so  needed in the world today. Jesus is always the answer. Always pray, always. Always read your Bible. Know God. Seek and you shall find.

Be who you are because you want to.

Never change yourself for somebody, to be accepted, to be liked, to be noticed. None of that is important. What's important is that you be you, and if you change, change because you want to. If you change, change in a way that glorifies God.

You aren't your mistakes.

As simple as that. Lay down your life to Jesus. Your guilt and your shame, lay it all down at the foot of the Cross. It's a blessing to know the love and forgiveness of Christ. We aren't our mistakes, we are children of God.

Oh, and did I mention I love you?

Thats all for now, hon'
I love love love you and don't you forget that.
And yes, I will be turning on your fan tonight before you go to bed because thats just what I do. Deal with it.

With love,
Your Big Sister






(In our case the little sister is the little one, and the big sister is the big one. Convenient, I know)